How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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