i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
