a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
