I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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