The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
