I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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