You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
