i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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