you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
