Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
