I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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