Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
either way he was missing a nipple.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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