Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
