my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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