Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
