I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
