He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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