I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
