So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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