The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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