remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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