Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
