i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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