margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
