she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize