I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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