My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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