The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize