Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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