Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think I sprained my soul last night
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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