i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
