Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
