I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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