I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
