New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
