just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
