epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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