Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
