We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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