woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
