i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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