god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
