peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
