no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
