I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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