Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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