Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
