Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
