I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
