how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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