I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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