life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Where is the hickey?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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