I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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