And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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