mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
what day is it and did you see me today?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
