My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
