Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
In America we eat man semen.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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