You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
