If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
