my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
