Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I have feelings that need drinking.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
