My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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