but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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