in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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