Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
