he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Randomize
