Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
