I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
