he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
